042811- quote of the day

today's quote:
"our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand."
-Thomas Carlyle

042711- quote of the day

today's quote:
"whenever you start- give it your best. the opportunities are there to be anything you want to be. but wanting to be someone isn't enough; dreaming about it isn't enough; thinking about it isn't enough. you've got to study for it, fight for it with all your heart and soul, because nobody is going to hand it to you."
-Colin Powell

042611- quote of the day

today's quote:
"we are not powerless specks of dust drifting around in the wind, blown by random destiny. we are, each of us, like beautiful snowflakes- unique, and born for a specific reason and purpose."
-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

victory.

put up your dukes. step into the ring. get on your toes. don't stop moving. then you can't get hit, at least, not as hard. take the shot. show how tough you really are. blow for blow. who can stand the longest? who can hit the hardest? throw in the towel. just give up. you can't win. all the odds are against you. step out of the corner. man up. roll with the punches. you're not strong enough. push it away. move into something new if this isn't working. you gotta keep going. just give in. you're the underdog. prove them wrong. use your heart. it only takes one swing to knock them all back. celebrate. raise your arms in victory. they stand in disbelief.

staying afloat

this was another writing i found written in the notebook. it's more inspiring now than i remember it.

life crashes upon us sometimes. sometimes we become stranded in a sea of troubles. we find ourselves up to our necks in the heaviest of problems. we feel the need to give up; to stop swimming through this sea. we don't want to, but our body grows weary of our timeless effort to move forward, and our mind begins drifting away from consciousness. but we won't stop. stopping means drowning. so, we're stuck treading water. here we are, trying to regain strength and stay afloat, while the most powerful forces push against us. we could do what's easiest; we could ride the waves, go with the flow, let them carry us wherever they want us to go. but that would mean moving away from the path we set out for ourselves. we move against the waves, knowing that conquering them will bring us a new strength and accomplishment. sometimes a wave looks perfect, it draws us in with the idea of getting that little extra push, but we still must choose not to ride this wave and let it flow past. whether the wave is perfect or not, we should remember that it will still take us in the wrong direction. we must take on these waves, one at a time, picking our battles, for some waves are smaller than others. those are the first challenges we want as we build ourselves to our true potential. slowly we move in our true direction with each defeat of each wave. it takes every part of us, pushing us to our limits and forcing us to rebuild ourselves. so while we work on these waves, and work to not get washed away, we're stuck here, treading water.

at the bottom of the page this little whatever-you-wanna-call-it is written on, there's a tag line that reads:

"based on a conversation with mackenzie fancher, 051010"

so thank you once again, kenz, for the positive seed you always plant in my mind.

042511- quote of the day

today's quote:
"part of being a champ is acting like a champ. you have to learn how to win and not run away when you lose. everyone has bad stretches and real successes. either way, you have to be careful not tot lose your confidence or get too confident."
-Nancy Kerrigan

empty easter

i hate this silence that falls over the house. my brother sits quietly watching a movie, my parents are doing their own thing, and i take a break from reading to blog about a thought/memory that envelopes me.
we're not doing anything this easter. on normal years i would already be dressed in a cute outfit, headed to the tricities or my grandma's for breakfast and egg dying. but this year, i'm still lying in bed. i'm reading on facebook about people going to this place or the next, getting easter present, seeing this person or that. i realized something.

i miss being six years old and in a lovely white and pink dress, holding hands with my cousin and best friend ashley while we run around looking for eggs filled with jelly beans.
what i really miss is my family. i miss them so much. when was the last time we spent anytime together? christmas when the germans were in america. last weekend i ran into my aunt and my baby in the mall. we talked for about three minutes and parted ways. it took about three steps before my heart sank. i wanted them to come back and say "hey, come over! i'll call uncle trevis and grandma and we'll all get together!", but instead i kept walking to pac sun and they kept walking towards wherever they were going. i didn't even ask...
when is the next time we'll all be together? my graduation? maybe if everyone can make it, but you know what happens. there's always something.
so that leaves, what, thanksgiving? wtf. that's in NOVEMBER. i can't wait until fricken november.
i just want everyone to drive down to moses lake immediately, and we'll hide eggs and wear cute easter dresses and eat some ham or something like that.
but we can't. 'cause half my family is in the tricities, my grandma is in new mexico, some is scattered in colfax, the rest is across the ocean in germany, and the piece that i miss most is in heaven.
i just want to be six years old again.

042411- quote of the day

today's quote:
"when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
-Winston Curchill

strike three, i'm out.

i just got home from watching some softball at bbcc. it's a beautiful day out today; perfect for watching the best sport ever played. today's game was only the third that i've watched of this year's lady viking team, but i like the way they look. in two days i'll be out on that field for my first workout, and there's a high possibility that i'll be playing all next year there. it's nice get a chance to watch some of the girls i'm gonna be playing with and the coaching staff i'll be working my ass off under day in and day out.
i sat there on the bleachers, imagining what life is gonna be like in blue and green rather than maroon and gold, and then it hit me. not only are my colors going to change, but life is going to change. nothing is gonna change that much, right? i mean, i'm still gonna be in the same town, still at home. katie is gonna be at big bend, so is markie and mindy. at least they'll still be around. and the high school isn't going anywhere, so mackenzie and hunter are still gonna be right around the corner.
so. what's really changing?
my colors? sure. my teachers? alright. my friends? more than likely. my team? unfortunately.
all things i want to stick with me through the rest of my life. how am i gonna get used to being a viking? i'm gonna have professors who don't know my name, and couldn't careless if i pass or fail their course. what am i gonna do when i'm trying to make new friends? i'm gonna lose so many people. adios everyone except for the few of us who aren't graduating or staying in town. but even still, that's gonna change. who's gonna guarantee that i'll have a class with markie or mindy or katie? no one. what am i gonna do when i'm not gonna have early morning chats with marquel? gooooodness. and i'm not gonna see mackenzie and hunter everyday anymore... frick. and i don't even want to think about what is gonna happen next year with a new team...
wow, i really don't want any of that. i sat on the bleachers thinking about how i could live in high school for the rest of my life until the game was over and i began driving home: windows down, we the kings blaring out of the speakers, sunglasses on, my hair and the tassle around my rearview window blowing in the wind. ah, the start of summer, and graduation. the two things i can't wait for. and also the two things that would mean the change of everything.
what am i gonna do? the tomorrows aren't gonna quit coming. i'm only gonna have so many more mornings until they're gonna become mornings in the real world. i only have so many more sleepless nights deciding what i'm gonna try to make of my life.
crap.

don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game

IT ONLY TAKES ONE.
a phrase we use in softball when a hitter gets done in the count in order to keep them from thinking that they're defeated. it means that no matter how deep in the count you are, or how far ahead, it only takes on pitch to get a hit. all you have to do is stick your bat out there and make contact. good things happen when you put the ball in play.
when at the plate, we sit back and wait for the pitch we can drive. the same applies to life. we sit back and wait for an opportunity to come to us that will take us far. when we find something with potential, we cling to that thing until we run out of strength. "when one door closes, another one opens" but often times we spend too much time staring in longing at the closed door that we don't see the new opening.
we almost always have something to fall back on. something we don't realize that we have; it's not something we plan, it's just something that's there. nearly all of us have some sort of talent or ability that leaves us with numerous options when we miss out on an opportunity. but remember:
"if you have a fallback plan, you will fall back."
never rely on your fallback opportunities, for they will never take you to that place in life you want to be. you'll never hit that homerun.
so step into the box, take your hacks, and wait for the pitch you can put in the gap. sometimes you gotta swing from your ass, and put everything you have into that one ball. walks happen, it's getting on base that counts. once you're there, be aggressive, and come around to score. sometimes you'll strike out, and sometimes you'll get put out. but the way you handle these set backs is what the game, and LIFE, is all about.

042311- quote of the day

today's quote:
"don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. because what the world needs is people who are alive."
-Harold Whitman

042211- quote of the day

today's quote:
"worry does not empty tomorrow of it's sorrow. it empties today of it's strength."
-Corrie Ten Boom

042111- quote of the day

today's quote:
"they say that life is play, and the world's a stage, and i'm gonna make sure my name's in the credits."

the world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.

we've all heard the story.
april 20, 1999. twelve years from today.
two boys walked into their highschool and gunned down their peers, killing thirteen before taking their own lives.
but what do we really know about
COLUMBINE

we know the heart wrenching story of patrick ireland. the boy from the library who took a bullet to the brain. he crawled the expanse of the library to the window where he used all his strength to heave himself out, without the use of one side of his body. we see the picture of him dangling halfway down the side of the school with swat members trying to reach for him before he falls. he fell. but he got back up. patrick ireland is one of the most inspiring stories i have ever heard.

we know the incredible story of cassie bernall's devotion to faith, which turns out to be a complete falsity. such a sad truth. what will forever be immortalized in flyleaf's song "cassie", turns out to be a misconception by survivors- but who can really blame them. eric harris did ask one of the students if she believed in god, and her answer was yes. this student, however, was not cassie bernall, but instead valeen schnurr whose life was spared. it's tragic to think that the martyr to the student survivors of columbine was not true, but cassie bernall's image was forever one of hope to those seeking closure.

we know the story of rachel scott. she was the first to be slain by the boys on this day twelve years ago. she had no idea of the planned massacre, but she knew that she was not going to live a long life. her goal was to live a full life each day, in order to be remember as something extraordinary. and extraordinary is what her country wide tour "rachel's challenge" is, to say the least. her family has traveled all over the states, including mlhs, in order to inspire students to live to be more than average. it's truly a touching presentation.

when i think about school shootings, i think about (1) columbine, and (2) frontier middle school. frontier was nothing compared to columbine, but it being a hometown horror makes it something of more personally terrifying. the story of barry loukaitis and his troubles with home life and antisocial personality and issues with bullying is nothing like the stories of erick harris and dylan klebold. erick and dylan were not students who were picked on and isolated, as we come to think of when we think about those students who lash out. they were popular amongst their friends, and known throughout the school. they were just some truly messed up kids. erick, the psychopath, and dylan, the suicidal one, were two kids who had a true animosity towards humanity and a society full of what they dubbed "lower life forms".

we think about school shootings as impulsive, and just go in and let loose. but columbine was much different. it was full of strategic planning, planning that went down to the second. erick and dylan had planted bombs in the school designed to kill, but also cause students to flee, and then stationed themselves outside of the school where they would have the best angle to gun down as many students as possible. they never planned to enter the school. they even planted a decoy bomb out in a field to distract local police from the tragedy that was about to unfold. columbine was not a spur-of-the-moment deal where the boys just got sick of living. columbine was a sick plot born in the soul of a manipulative psychopath.

the columbine story is one of the most disturbingly gripping tales that i have ever heard. what i thought i knew about the shooting turned out the be almost ninety percent false. reading dave cullen's novel about the massacre turned out to be one of the best decisions i have made. i would recommend to any who are interested in learning more to pick this book up. cullen spent ten years accumulating the facts that went into this book. he researched the killers, the victims, the religion that took hold. he recreated the massacre in such detail that your stomach will turn and you'll have chills for days. but would you expect anything less?

may the victims of this vicious crime against humanity rest in peace: rachel, danny, dave, cassie, steven, corey, kelly, matthew, daniel, isaiah, john, lauren, and kyle.
may the victims and the killers parents and the survivors get the closure they'll forever be searching for.
and may the world never forget columbine.

042011- quote of the day

today's quote:
"if what you did yesterday is still big today, you haven't done enough today"

ouch.

tonight was the night: senior night.
playing the number two ranked team in the state sorta put a damper on things. who the heck scheduled us to play walla walla? since when did it change from playing a roll-over team like davis?
not much to say about that one.
even though walla walla brutally maimed us at the plate, and with the long ball, this team is still in the running. i'm not giving up on this team. we have every opportunity to beat walla walla or richland. and we will, once the hunger develops. i'm hungry for a run at a championship, and from this point (well once i figure it out) i'm gonna be a championship caliber player. so don't mess with it.
but in real life, i love this team. it's young, and it's hard, but i wouldn't trade these girls for anyone. i love my seniors, and i love my underclassmen. my seniors are some of my best friends, and playing with anyone else is gonna kill me. i love these freshmen this year; you wouldn't believe how much they've grown on my. they are so talented and fun and aggressive. they have just worked their way right into this team, and my heart. my god, i'm gonna miss the fab/fave/feathered five.

but, something a little more unexpected than a annihilation tonight.
when the massacre was over, and we walked through the line to shake hands with the over team, them lying to us saying "good game" and us replying in an unintelligible mumble, i shared a moment with hope klicker.
our eyes met as our hands did, and this contact was weighted. in her eyes i read sympathy for our devistating loss our last time on our home field. i read understanding that comes along with playing first base, batting in the four spot, and being a team leader. i read triumph in the fact that she beat me today at the plate, rather than our normal battles everytime we meet. and i read desire, a desire i wish that my girls had.
this encounter lasted half a second. i definitely feel like it was very important.
because in my eyes, she read:
"i'm coming for you, hope klicker. this isn't gonna happen again. you haven't won."

this won't be the last you hear about lady chief softball this year. we're on the rise. we're coming. we're ready to bounce. so bring it on eisenhower. bring it on chiawana. because as of tomorrow, you're going to messing with a new team.
we'll see you again soon richland and walla walla.
and i can't wait.

041911- quote of the day

today's quote:
"most of our shadows in life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

041811- quote of the day

today's quote:
"never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what is right."
-Isaac Asimov

almost everything you do in life will be insignificant, but it is important that you do it anyways.

this is the saddest movie i've ever seen in my life,

and it is also my favorite.

i've watched it eight times, and the tears never fail to come.

i've never seen such an amazing story of happiness and grief and perspective.

if you haven't seen it, get to blockbuster or hastings and rent it buy it.

IT IS LIFE CHANGING.

041511, 041611, 041711- quotes of the days

i has become apparent of my blatant neglect of my blog, and of posting my daily quotes. i apologize. as always, i have one for each day, my overflowing schedule this week has kept me from posting them.

041511 quote:
"we don't live to die; we die to live."

yesterday's quote:
"success is never final. failure is never fatal. it is the courage to carry on that counts."
-Winston Churchill

today's quote:
"ability is what you're capable of doing. motivation determines what you do. attitude determines how well you do it."

-Lou Holtz

141411- quote of the day

today's quote:
"imagine a future moment in your lfe, where all your dreams have come true, who's standing next to you?"
-Peyton Sawyer

041311- quote of the day

today's quote:
"i don't know who my grandfather was. i am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be."
-Abraham Lincoln

041211- quote of the day

today's quote:
"one can never consent to crawl when one feels an impulse to soar."
-Helen Keller

we might not have it all together, but TOGETHER we have it all

it's been 48 days.

48 days since the gprep bulldogs ripped everything from us.

48 days since i spent at least two hours daily with this family.

48 days since my heart was broken.

i cried everyday for a week after february 22.

it wasn't until softball started that the tears stopped.

basketball was over.

the best thing that i had ever been apart of was over.

i spent 99 days growing closer to these nine girls.

 so close that they were nothing but an extension of myself.

for 48 days i have increasingly missed these girls.

for 48 days my heart is filled with sadness when i walk passed the gym without going in,

when i see my girls in the hall with nothing but a simple smile,

when i hear the buzzer and not have to run from line to line,

when i start to laugh at a basketball joke when no one else understands.

no one will understand what we had this season,

and that it was a winning season even though we never made it to state.

because we built something stronger than a championship.

because we built a bond that will rival those of family,

where we would give anything for each other,

and where we weren't anything without each other.

and there wasn't anything we didn't do TOGETHER.

thank you:

jordan loera, kayla bernsen, magie munoz, felicia sanders, kristi brown, courtney kunjara, sadie nielson, emily olson, kylegh gamez, madi wilks, keiley garcia, strophy, brady, and getz

for everything.

i love you guys, forever.

photo credit:

mackenzie fancher

julie waites photography

041111- quote of the day

today's quote:
"it is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincereley try to help another without helping himself."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

041011- quote of the day

today's quote:
"keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others"
-Robert Louis Stevenson

"name something useless" "my future"

just this morning, i realized...
senior presentations are on thursday.
i'm trippin'.
half of my pictures are falling off my board, i still haven't written my speech on a notecard, and, honestly, i don't even remember what my project was about.
i'm in the proccess of having a week long anxiety attack. i am going to fail.
then i won't be able to walk at graduation with my classmates, because i definitely CANNOT present in front of a civics and law class. and who really wants to graduate but not be able to walk? not me.
so i might as well not even graduate. i'll just fail. all i need to do is botch my english class that i have a ninety-eight percent in. that's all.
i didn't want to graduate anyways. i am terrified of life outside of high school.
talking about this to my dear friend hunter, she posed the question: "why?"
thank you, hunter, for getting this vacationing brain going.
i am afraid of life outside of high school. i don't know anything other than showing up to school at 745 every morning, and getting out at 245. what am i gonna do without my routine of waking up at five am and going to bed at ten? class starts at nine? what am i gonna do when i wake up early and have nothing to do?
someone tell me what to do with my lifeeee!
how do i live on my own? where am i gonna get a job at? how am i gonna buy my own gas and pay for my own cellphone? ffffffword.
so, the answer to all these problems is for me to become a vampire from stefanie meyer's twilight series, so i can forever stay in high school as long as i move from place to place.
or i can just fail. it's whatevs.

040911- quote of the day

every day i put a quote in this journal i have. i always find it in the morning so that it gives me something to focus on and reflect on throughout the day. i decided that i will start posting them on here as well as writing them down.

today's quote:
"you more often recognize your inadequacies rather than your strengths"
-James E. Faust

three cheers for eighteen years!

i crawl into my bed this morning to recover from a night that i'm trying so hard not to forget.
as i spent the drive home reflecting on the various laughs we shared, i can't help but to think that, not only would last night not have happened, but so many other memories would be non-existant without the two who inspired last night's madness.
katie and kylie martinez, happy mother freaking birthday- two days later!
i lay here on my pillow and i wonder to myself about the many highlights of the night:
-winning at the water pong table
-spilling rootbeer on my car
-hailee's poop shoes
-watching kyler eat a jalapeno and then chug a gallon of milk
-trying to eavesdrop on a couple's argument
-"lmao" at how hilarious the seed of chuckie is
-eating the most delicious icecream sandwich in the world
are those even in order? how mixed up am i right now?
all i know is that this morning i woke up with slept in jeans, an eleven percent phone battery, a video of kristi brown doing god knows what, and a handful of memories.
so, cheers to the martinez twins for making it eighteen years
and cheers to doing some of my favorite things with some of my favorite people:
eating, celebrating, and laughing.

when creativity spills from every verse...

"A Play On A Play On Words"

When the tides change
I’ll be free
to drown among my people
in the ancient lands of nowhere
nowhere you would go
with a head upon my hat
and feet upon my shoes
it’s time to go inside
to survive
the cold of the air conditioning
in my room it’s harsh living
with the lights turned off
no one makes a sound
except the pitter patter of my soul
across the aluminum roof of my mind
like raindrops in your eye
all you are is a blurred image
thoughts once clear
are now hard to see
I have to retrieve my telescope
just to see you
still leaves me empty inside
’cause I think it’s my fault
that I have no idea
but I don’t know what to think
or where to begin
so I just sit and wait
for the tide to come in.

by: andrewsaur


credit:
ANDREWSAUR'S ARTICAL

ten quick claps for fifteen quick facts

one. the only place i am unequivocally comfortable is first base on a softball field.
two. i don't like children, and i never plan on having any.
three. softball is my greatest passion.
four. i'm a published writer. no, not like an author who wrote a novel and is in oprah's book club. like a simple narrative in a magazine called "teenink"
five. i'm a pittsburgh steelers fan.
six. i have a journal that i fill with quotes, but i don't know how to "technically" journal. i'm hoping this blog will help me learn.
seven. i'm an ap student, and i've never really studied in my life.
eight. i rip on guitar hero
nine. i have no idea where i'm gonna go to college
ten. i'm terrified of hospitals. they give me anxiety attacks
eleven. if it was up to me, i would live in my favorite pair of sweats.
twelve. my outlook on life was changed by one friendship. the friendship has changed, but i'll forever cherish it
thirteen. my license was suspended for the latter half of my seventeenth year. i'll never take driving forgranted again.
fourteen. i fall asleep watching a disney movie every night in order to prevent nightmares.
fifteen. i could live on chinese takeout.