being selfish.

as soon as you write something down, it is yours forever. and, if you wanted to, you could show someone else, so they can keep it too. but really, it is yours forever. if anyone ever wants to take it away from you, all you need to do is remember and remind them that, it is yours forever.


i feel like i have a trillion things to say, a trillion things to write down, but they're not mine. they're shared by everyone. because everyone feels them. so how can i write something down, say it is mine forever, when five billion other souls share my agony.

and it's not just agony is sadness. it's agony in happiness, and anger, and excitement.
agony of sadness when you feel your heart ache. agony in happiness when you're unsure if you'll ever feel this good again. agony in anger when you try so hard to understand who's right and who's wrong. agony in excitement when you fade from your adrenaline rush.

but i'll write it down anyways, and i'll call it mine. i'll share it with you, but remember, it's mine. this gut wrenching pain is mine. this soul elating joy is mine. don't try and take it from me. it's mine.

i feel the hurt of people are slowing drifting away, and i feel the joy of reconnecting with old friends.
i feel the hurt of knowing that it'll never be me, and i feel the joy of knowing that i'm better off.
i feel the hurt of wanting it so bad, and i feel the joy of never quiting.
i feel the hurt of having no summer due to work, and i feel the joy of the money it brings in.
i feel the hurt of no longer being in high school, and i feel the joy of the freedom in it.

and all those feelings are mine. and i don't care if you feel them too. they're mine.

i have a billion more things to say, a billion more things to write down, but i can't verballize them, and i don't want to. i don't want to share them with anyone. because no one can understand. because they're mine.

so. that's it.