beauty is in the eye of the beholder

just in this last week, i have discovered that i have a knack for

painting...

 

the thing is, i didn't know i had any artistic ability at all until last weekend.

i suddenly got the urge to paint. so i hopped in my car, spent $20 on painting supplies, and luckily it paid off!

not literally paid off. out of the four paintings i've painted so far i've only kept one. but i'm not charging for the other ones. they're gifts!

i got to thinking, i wish i had a painter that like had my eyes, and sees what i see, and paints all the beautiful things in this world. cause i see a lot of beauty. and i wish that other people could see what i see.

there are so many people that i wish had eye painters like what i want.

i want to see what they see.

i want to see if colors are more vibrant in the eyes of an optimist.

i want to see the wonderment of the leaf that the poet writes about.

i want to see the elegance of the girl that the band sings about.

i want to see the hope for the future that the philosopher preaches about.

but i want to see it as them.

cause half the time i feel like i'm living with my eyes closed.

i'm going to try to harness my "talent".

i'm going to go to beautiful places, and see beautiful things, and meet beautiful people.

and i'm going to paint them.

so that every one can see

what i see.

"wherever you go in life, no matter the weather, always bring your own sunshine."

p.s. i really want to paint this.

so, this is living.

it's the thrill. it's terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. there's something exciting about being less than 60 feet away from a swing that could crush your skull. and i've seen skulls crushed, noses broken, eyes blackened. but they don't matter, because on each pitch and each play, i lose all train of thought. i've caught line drives that i didn't even realize had been hit; i've made plays that i didn't even think about. because everything about this game is second nature. when i put on that underarmor and smear that eyeblack, when my mitt goes on my hand and i taste the dirt in my mouth, i stop worrying about cuts, bruises, broken bones. because it's the risk i take for the rush i live for.

remember?

remember being five years old?
it was your first year of "big kid" school. no more naps, no more baby toys, no more baby snacks. this was the real deal. remember?

remember what it took to fly? all you had to do was jump on a swing and pump your legs in the right timing, and then, when you reached the peak, you would let go of the chains and take that leap.

and you would soar. remember?

for the next two seconds, if you were lucky, you soared through the air with all your friends watching and cheering when you beat the jump record of the kid next to you. if you landed on your feet, remember how awesome you were? 

on those times you would land on your hands and knees, you would just pick out the pieces of bark and race back to your swing to go again. the only thing you had to worry about was someone taking your swing.

remember when recess was over, and you'd race to be the first one back in line to go back to class? and you would sit in the hard chairs, itching in your big kid clothes, and stare longingly out the window. remember how hard it was to focus on your numbers and letters when there was a swing right outside calling your name?

and then when school was over, and you waited in line for your bus, and you would try to go swing but the EAs would tell you "it's not allowed." so you would drag your feet back to the line and put on your best pout face and wait impatiently for the bus to get there. remember?

 remember how tomorrow would come. and you'd be back on those swings, taking that leap without even worrying about what was going to happen when you hit the ground. remember?

the man on the moon

"no matter where you are in the world, the moon is never bigger than your thumb."

the moon followed me home tonight. it is quite the pleasant company to keep.

it makes heaven feel just that much closer.

time flies!

25 DAYS...
...until we never return to another class in moses lake high school
...until we slowly start the process of goodbyes
...until we leap from the nest
...until we finally have all the free time in the world
...until we, once again, become the bottom rung
...until we celebrate one more occasion as seniors
...until we don maroon and gold as our school colors one last time
...until we are thrown into adulthood
...until robes are worn
...until tassels are moved
...until caps fly
...until...
GRADUATION!

nurses

THIS IS THE CUTEST COMMERCIAL.

EVER.

050211, 050311- quote of the day

yesterday's quote:
"it's always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile."
-Garry Marshall

today's quote:
"the difference between an unsuccessful person and others is not lack of strength, not lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will."
-Vincent Lombardi

drive to save lives.

okay, i meant to post this two days ago when it happened, but it's been a busy weekend. now that it's sunday, however, i have a chance to reflect back on friday's motivational assembly. here we go:

so on friday everyone filed into the chief gym in order to watch another lame assembly. no one likes assemblies. not even pep assemblies; our school spirit sucks. but unless you're 18 and half the ability to sign yourself out, we're stuck with our butts glued to hard bleachers for an hour and a half.
let me tell you, i was hesitant going in there. i sat down and realized i should have signed myself out; i'm 18 and then i could have slept for a couple hours before leaving to ike. but i was stuck. so i chatted with my fellow seniors while waiting for the uber tall lady at center court to start talking. after awhile leo came on the mic and asked us all to be quiet and respectful for our guest speaker, cara filler.
she started her speech by asking us to close our eyes and think of the person that means the most to us. my mind flashed between faces of my best friends sitting around me and throughout the gym, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, my family, my dad, and it eventually it settled on my brother ryan. she asked us what we would do if we lost this person, and then, with our eyes still closed, she played an audio clip and a hysterical woman screaming for her sister. her sister was dead. cara then told us that every word that woman spoke on the clip, was word for word what cara said to her sister as she watched her die. talk about impactful, right?
at that point i was hooked, zoned right in on this strangely relatable woman who spilled her life's tragedy to us without shedding a tear. the amount of strength she possess absolutely astounds me.
cara filler, a stranger, stood opposite the gym from me, and reached out and touched my heart. she spoke to us about choices, and how her sister would have survived if she had made a different choice. and since ryan was already in my head, it made me think of the decisions he's making with his life. i watch what he's doing, thinking that he's throwing his life away, and it kills me. but i would rather have him the way he is then not have him at all. i couldn't imagine life without him breaking my heart. it's all i know.
she also asked us to think about how we're driving: stop texting, slow it down, wear your seatbelt, be smart. excessive speeding can hurt, kill, other people not just yourself. that got me thinking. i lost my license for the latter half of my 17th year for two excessive speeding tickets. after seven months i was stoked to get back access to my car again. the reason why: i was tired of not having freedom. i swore that i would never take advantage of driving again, for all the wrong reasons. i just knew i never wanted to not be able to drive again. i wasn't worried about how i had put the people in the car with me in danger. they were some of my best friends, and i could have easily rolled my car. but i was never worried about that; i was just freaking out about how my dad was gonna be pissed. so now, i won't ever take advantage of driving again... for the right reasons.
thank you cara filler, for coming to our school, sharing your story, and everything you do. you are changing lives. you are saving lives.

and to those idiots who thought it would be awesome to fight in the middle of the assembly, i hope you're proud of yourselves because that is the most disrespectful act i have ever witnessed, and no one thinks that you're "cool" or whatever you were going for.

cara filler- the drive to save lives

042911, 043011, 050111- quotes of the day

042911 quote:
"courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear."
-Ambrose Redmoon

043011 quote:
"whether it's the best of times or the worst of times... it's the only time you've got."
-Art Buchwald

today's quote:
"i know that god will not give me anything i can't handle. i just wish he didn't trust me so much."
-Mother Teresa